Once upon a time, there was a girl named Samantha who had her life all figured out... that sounds nice, doesn't it? The problem is, it's not true. If you read my last post in November 2011 you were aware that I felt called to head back to YWAM Maui on staff. I was preparing to leave home again and make the 2 year commitment to staff at the base. I had my plane ticket and was all packed up, I had 2 weeks to go before it was time to leave town. Then something funny happened. I found myself crying to my family about how I didn't want to go. The path wasn't clear from the start but I was going to pursue "the call" I thought I felt God lay on my heart. I did not have the monthly support I needed to pay the staffing fee's, I did not have the full assurance of my parents thinking this was the right path for me-or many family friends for that matter, and to top it all of I was suffering from a lot of health problems that were keeping me from work and my social life most of the time throughout October, November and December. For some strange reason this wasn't enough of a wake up call, I didn't figure out I had NO peace about the situation until 2 weeks before my flight out. Defeated, I let the base know I would not be coming back to staff, God was keeping me home for now and I wouldn't know what for unless I stayed.
So I stayed.
I have been home now for 18 months since I completed my DTS. This may have been the longest 18 months of my life. I have spent so much time in prayer simply asking God "Why? Why am I still here just working a full time job? What's the point of this?" Now I know hindsight really is 20/20. Even though, while I was living the last 18 months I felt like nothing was happening worth while, I can see now that it was time well spent. I have grown and matured in ways I probably wouldn't have in another place or time. I built and rebuilt strong relationships with my family members and I got to experience living in my own apartment. I don't regret a single day of this extra time I spent at home because even though I had no idea what God was doing, God knew exactly what He was doing!
“Woe to him who strives with him who formed him,
a pot among earthen pots!
Does the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’
or ‘Your work has no handles’? Isaiah 45:9
It's so easy to get lost in our circumstances. We so easily turn and question our Maker when things don't seem to be going according to our plan. Over the last 8-ish months God has taught me to take my eyes off my circumstances and set my eyes on Him. He's taught me that it's okay not to know what's around the corner... The mystery of life is calling us to rely on God and give up trying to do life our own way. I have a plan for my life, but God has the best plan for my life. From now on I want to live that in full faith and confidence, knowing God has my best interest at heart, even when I have no idea why I am where I am.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[b] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9
